dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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