Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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