If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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