someone threw a dead crab at me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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