You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
