you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
