Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
