Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i will never coherently bang her
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
