I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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