I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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