I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
