if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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