Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
