An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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