On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i dont even know how to be here
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize