woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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