i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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