a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
