For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
