My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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