think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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