Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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