if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Your dad touched me again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
