Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
