I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
