I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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