Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize