Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize