I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
