I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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