My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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