Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
