There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
