I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
