You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize