...so i touched it.
I think my vagina is haunted
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
