They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
