you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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