my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
