she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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