i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
