please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
