don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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