Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
