he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
