ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
