also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
