matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
