it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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