Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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