I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
