You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
