found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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