Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
