Pants 0. Shit 1.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
