Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
