Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
