Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
