that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
