just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
