if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina is officially offended.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
