I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
