So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my being single is dangerous.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
