$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish you could order shots online.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize