Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
