The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
