You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
