Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
