I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
