piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize