Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
