I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
