Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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