he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Alive.
So much puke
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
