apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
