I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
