just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like iHOP with fire
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm at about main and main street
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize