she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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